Catharsis
by warmglow79
Summary: The hero, the savior, the boy of prophecy. The boy who lived and died and lived again. He was victory, he was hope to all. But he was just a boy. A boy who lost too much. A boy that never experienced normalcy.
1. Chapter 1

Catharsis

The war had ended and everyone was trying to pick up the pieces. Though there was great relief that it was all over, many wondered about the price for peace and freedom. Was peace worth the lives of so many good witches and wizards? They hoped so, no one wanted the fallen heroes lives to have been given up for nothing. So it was up to all the survivors to make this peaceful new world the best it could be.

Most were ready to move forward. But some, some had lost too much.

Some were still in the midst of war within themselves.

No one knew this better than Harry Potter.

The hero, the savior, the boy of prophecy. The boy who lived and died and lived again. He was victory, he was hope to all.

But he was just a boy. A boy who lost too much. A boy that never experienced normalcy.

He was always treated according to his name and heritage.

With his muggle relatives, he was spurned and hated because of the ancient magical blood that ran through his veins.

Within the Wizarding community he was idolized or envied because of his name.

Even with his closest and dearest friends everything started and related to "Harry Potter boy who lived". They had high expectations of him. He was supposed to embody goodness, and was held to a higher standard.

Hermione and Ron knew Harry wasn't perfect, but they expected certain behaviors from him.

Everyday the media hounded Harry, and everyday they asked him what his future plans were.

And everyday he dodged them and avoided their questions. Until finally he avoided everyone and hid from the world.

He couldn't tell them the truth.

It was too pathetic.

He honestly didn't know what to do. He was lost. His memories burned. Faces of lost loved ones were constant. Their horrible deaths flashed in his mind over and over. It was a reel that wouldn't stop. His mind was his enemy, like a dementor his mind tortured him.

He was in the middle of one such session when Hermione flooed into his apartment.

Hermione looked around and noticed how empty the apartment still was. Harry had been living there for a couple of months. She knew that though he was eighteen and able to inherit all the properties left to him by his parents and godfather, he hadn't touched anything save for the money he needed for monthly expenses. And looking around Hermione concluded that he hadn't used much.

"Harry," she called out.

He was sitting by the cushions in the bay window. He hadn't even noticed her arrival.

Hermione sighed and went to rouse him from his thoughts.

"Harry," she said softly. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

He jerked and turned to face her.

"Oh Hermione, didn't know you were here."

She chuckled. "well obviously." She sniffed then scrunched her nose.

"Harry when was the last time you showered?" She moved away from him slightly.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't have it in him to care.

"A few days ago I think."

Hermione just shook her head at him.

"Go shower now. I'll make you some food too, it looks as though you haven't eaten in a few days either."

Harry got up to do as he was told, then suddenly stopped.

"Um Hermione."

"Yes?" she asked impatiently.

"I don't think I have any food."

Hermione just sighed, "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."

Harry nodded and went to the bathroom.

When Hermione heard the lock on the bathroom door click she went into the small kitchenette. She saw that there was absolutely nothing in the fridge. The cabinets were also bare save for a small pack of cigarettes.

Hermione frowned. Harry didn't smoke. At least not to her knowledge. And she prided herself on knowing almost everything about Harry and Ron.

The pack was still sealed, the brand was unknown to her. The packaging was sort of pretty with all the gold flowers on it.

She would simply have to ask Harry about it after he was done with his much needed shower.

"Well I guess I need to get some groceries," she mumbled to herself. She was going to apparate straight to a grocer but then changed her mind. She looked outside the small window above the sink and noticed how mild the weather was.

"I'll do it the muggle way," she proclaimed decidedly.

She stepped out of Harry's apartment and made sure to lock the door with a flick of her wand. Then she placed it snugly in her back jean pocket hidden by her long lavender jumper. She made it down three flights of stairs and smiled politely at passing residents in Harry's building. One resident in particular caught her eye as she was going down.

It was a little girl voraciously reading a world encyclopedia. The child was sitting in the hallway of the first floor. She was obviously engrossed and Hermione couldn't help but smile. The little girl wore thick frames and had braided blonde hair. She reminded Hermione of herself. The little one looked up at Hermione and simply smiled. Hermione smiled back and continued on her way out the door.

She walked down the street after having asked a kind woman directions to the closest grocery store. Hermione found that it was warm and comforting to be fully immersed in the muggle world again. No one stared at her. No one recognized her. Everyone simply went about their day and she reveled in the delicious peace there was in being a total stranger.

The grocery store was small and there were only a few customers milling about. It was the middle of a week day so it made sense. Most muggles were working at this time of day. She picked up a basket and put in some fruits and vegetables. Then she choose some crackers and a few canned foods. Hermione wanted to make sure Harry had some type of food in his cabinets that wouldn't go bad right away. She continued grabbing things here and there until she got to the meat section.

She was stuck deciding between turkey and ground beef when she noticed a young woman next to her.

She wore a green apron and latex gloves and was obviously an employee. She was busy organizing the packages of chicken that had just arrived. The young woman was slender and a little taller than Hermione, she also had curly hair. The difference was, her golden brown hair curled into beautiful tight curls, her mane was impressively thick and glossy. Hermione tried her best not to be envious. She tried.

The young employee stopped when she noticed Hermione staring at her. She looked up and smiled.

"Hello miss, is there anything I can help you with?" she said politely.

Hermione blushed, she berated herself for staring.

"Um, actually," she started, "I was just sort of stuck with deciding between ground beef or turkey." Hermione winced and hoped the woman didn't think she was as clueless as she sounded.

The woman's smile widened and she came to stand closer to Hermione.

"Well what are you making?" she asked.

Hermione just shrugged, "I'm still not sure. I'm making food for a friend. He hasn't been feeling well lately."

The woman nodded, "Perhaps a soup would be better."

Hermione realized she misinterpreted her words.

"Oh, well he's not sick. He's just been through a lot. He's not been himself."

"I see," she said with sudden understanding, " in that case some turkey patties would be good. They're not as heavy as beef. When I'm blue I know I need substantial food but not something that would make me drowsy." She laughed a little, "Otherwise I'd just sleep away and not deal with my problems."

Hermione smiled brightly at her. "Yeah that sounds good. And I'll make him some mixed vegetables as well."

The woman laughed again, "Can't forget those."

Hermione nodded and noticed the name tag clipped to the green apron.

"Thanks for your help Emily."

Emily smiled, "It was my pleasure miss."

"Hermione, my name's Hermione."

Emily laughed softly, "It was my pleasure, Hermione." Then she nodded at her and went back to the unattended chicken.

Hermione smiled and picked up the turkey. She made her way to the cashier. After she paid, she looked around the store before leaving, hoping to catch a glimpse of Emily one more time.

She couldn't explain it, but her encounter with Emily made her incredibly happy. Perhaps it was just the sheer fact that Emily treated her normally. Or perhaps it was the warm tone Emily had used.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and realized half an hour had passed by. She rushed towards Harry's apartment determined to make her friend a decent meal.

When Harry had gotten out of the shower he realized he hadn't brought a towel with him. He softly opened his door just a crack and looked to see where Hermione was. His glasses were still a bit fogged from being in the steamy bathroom.

"Hermione," he called out. When he got no response he assumed it was safe to go to his room.

He walked out still wet and completely naked. He shivered a bit and hurried to his room. Once inside he closed the door and grabbed a towel hanging off a chair. It smelled a bit musty but he used it anyway. He towel dried his hair and sat on the bed completely tired. He was grateful to Hermione, he had lost track of the day. He was sure that if she hadn't come by he'd still be drowning in his thoughts.

Harry sighed and got frustrated with himself.

For how long would he stay down? Why couldn't he just be strong? Why couldn't he move forward like everyone wanted him to?

His frustration grew into anger. He was angry at himself, he hated how completely pathetic he was. His eyes started to well with angry tears. He pulled off his glasses as he grabbed his hair roughly and rested his elbows on his knees. Completely curled into himself he cried. And he hated himself for it. His self loathing ate away at him.

The front door opened and Harry immediately jumped to grab his wand that laid under his pillow.

He wiped his tears quickly only to notice that he was still naked. He shook his head, he couldn't worry about that.

Just as he was about to open the door, armed with his wand, the intruder called out.

"Harry, I'm back from the store." Harry sighed in relief and shook his head at his forgetfulness.

Hermione was a bit out of breath. True to her word, she had done everything like a muggle. Including climbing the stairs with all the groceries she had bought. Finally she gave in and with her wand used _depulso_ to get the groceries to their rightful places in the small kitchen. She locked the door behind her and sighed with relief.

Harry quickly dressed in some dark jeans and a soft, blue t shirt. He left his towel on the floor and headed towards the kitchen in a hurry.

"What did you get?" Harry asked. Hermione jumped when she heard Harry's voice directly behind her. She was at the sink washing some potatoes and carrots.

"Just some things for your lunch. Geez Harry don't scare me like that." She reprimanded.

"Sorry," he simply said. "I'll help you. I'm pretty good at cooking." he said wryly.

Hermione just shrugged, "I know you are. Well just start peeling these. I'll get the patties ready." As they worked quietly Hermione noticed the pack of cigarettes again. Harry was concentrating and didn't notice her pocket them discreetly.

Once everything was ready Hermione set their plates on the counter. There was only one stool so Hermione simply stood and insisted that her friend take the seat. Harry was noble and tried to give her the seat, but Hermione was more stubborn than Harry was noble. He was also tired and figured it was best not to argue with her.

About halfway into their meal, Hermione decided to break their peaceful silence. She knew Harry was in a rough patch but she couldn't stand by quietly waiting until he admitted he needed help. Because that would never happen. Harry would rather suffer in silence.

"Everyone misses you Harry." Hermione started gently.

Harry winced but said nothing.

"Ron's worried. Ginny is too. You never come by anymore."

"I'm sorry."

Hermione sighed at her friend's defeated tone.

"Harry, are you going to be alright? Do you need help?" Hermione got straight to the point.

Harry's temper flared a little at her questions.

"I'm fine Hermione." he said stubbornly.

"Really Harry? Because the state I found you in didn't look 'fine."

"What do you want me to say Hermione? Huh, what do you want me to say? Want me to tell you that I'm not alright. That I'm still so haunted by the past that I can't move forward! Because I am, and I know that's not what you want to hear. I know you want me to help you with your little project you have going on in the Ministry. 'Together we can build a new Ministry, one that's transparent and accountable to the people.' Oh I read your little interview, it was on the front page for ages."

Hermione was in disbelief at her friend's mocking tone. The hurt she felt in that moment was excruciating.

"But Harry isn't that what you wanted too? Didn't you feel wronged by the Ministry when they used their power to unfairly snuff out your voice?!" she argued back.

"Don't presume to act like you understood how I felt! Never presume to know my thoughts on any matter regarding the Ministry." Harry yelled viciously.

Hermione was confused with his tone.

"What are you talking about Harry? I was right by your side, I remember the wrongs done to you, to us." Then Hermione got angered by the ugly look he gave her. "Don't act like you were the only one that got hurt! Don't act like you're the only one in pain! You think I don't remember them?! Because I do, I miss them everyday but I'm moving forward because of them. Their sacrifice deserves to be honored by us, especially by you Harry."

Without realizing it, Hermione said the very thing that hurt Harry the most. He gasped because the pain was renewed. He turned away from Hermione. She hadn't realized how badly she hurt him.

"You're right," he said softly. Hermione was surprised by the sudden change in his mood.

"It was because of me. They all died for me." Harry sounded so incredibly wounded. Hermione clamped her hands over her mouth. She immediately regretted her choice of words, and saw exactly how Harry interpreted them.

"Harry I didn't mean it like that." she said desperately. "I only meant that you are the best of us. Everyone that died loved you dearly, you know that." But the damage was already done and Hermione couldn't save her friend from the pain her words caused him.

She nearly cried but held herself together. She needed to be strong for Harry. She couldn't believe herself. She hurt Harry when he was at his most vulnerable, she felt like quite the villain.

They were quiet for some time. Hermione berated herself for her idiotic choice of words. Harry merely wallowed in self hatred. He wasn't angry at Hermione, she was only speaking the truth.

Hermione sighed and leaned forward on the counter. A little crinkling sound came from her pocket.

Both Harry and Hermione looked at each other, then at her pocket. Hermione pulled out the box and suddenly remembered the pack of cigarettes.

Harry saw what she pulled out and looked at Hermione curiously.

"I didn't know you smoked Hermione," Harry said, voice filled with shock.

"I-I don't." she responded indignantly. "These are yours Harry. I found them in your cabinet."

Harry just stared at her completely confused.

"They're not yours?" Hermione asked just as confused.

Harry shook his head.

"Then how did they get in here?" Hermione asked. She was worried now.

"I'm not sure."

"What if-what if someone came in here without you knowing?" suddenly Hermione was on high alert. She did not like the idea of someone sneaking around Harry's house while he was in such a weakened state.

"I doubt it, only friends can come inside. And only you and Ron know about this apartment." Harry was sure of this. After what he'd been through, no one could blame him for taking extra measures in protective spells and charms. His apartment was impenetrable.

"But these cigarettes couldn't just appear here, not unless someone sent them." Hermione was going through a list in her mind, thinking of anyone that could have sent them.

Harry knew Hermione was worried, but he wondered what she would think if he told her his theory. He had a possible explanation about these mysterious cigarettes. She would probably get more worried about him. But it would be the only way to convince her no one was out to harm him. Well, no one but himself.

"Hermione, its possible that they are mine."

Hermione gave him a confused look.

"I've uh, I've been losing track of time lately. Also, now before I tell you, please don't yell at me." Harry waited until Hermione agreed before he continued.

"Ugh Harry, fine I won't. What is it?" she couldn't help the dread that built up in her stomach. She knew she wasn't going to like what Harry was going to say.

Harry sighed, "I've been drinking a bit lately." he mumbled.

Hermione stared at him in disbelief. But just as she was about to reprimand Harry, he continued.

"I've also been using the _cheering charm_ , and _pepperup potion._ I know I'm not supposed to use them with alcohol. But," Harry looked at Hermione with pleading eyes, "I didn't know what else I could do. Sometimes I just want to be oblivious and happy, I don't want to be miserable all the time." Harry looked away when his eyes watered a bit. He refused to cry, he was pathetic enough as it was without him crying in front of Hermione.

Hermione herself nearly broke down. She couldn't believe how blind she was. She was so blind to the horrible pain Harry was going through. In that moment guilt overwhelmed her.

Harry cleared his throat. "Anyway, I must have used quite a bit of it last night and I probably bought those cigarettes. I don't remember doing it but, I'm not really logical when I'm drunk."

Hermione was quiet for a moment.

"Where?"

"Where what?" Harry asked.

"Where is the alcohol? And the potion?"

Harry just stared at her. Suddenly he felt incredibly frightened.

"Why?" he asked frantically.

"Just tell me where they are." Hermione said calmly.

"No."

"No?" Hermione raised her eyebrows.

"Hermione I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll just take it away." Harry said in a panic.

Hermione nodded, "That was my intention." She still spoke to him in a calm manner.

"No Hermione please, I-I need them. They make me feel better." Harry pleaded with her like a small child.

Hermione just shook her head. "Harry, I will NOT allow you to become an addict. I am confiscating all the potions and alcohol you have."

Harry just looked at her in horror.

"As for the _cheering charm_ , I'm going to supervise your wand's activities."

"You can't, you won't!" Harry yelled in disbelief.

"I can and I will! You can hate me, but I refuse to see another friend of mine harmed. Harry do you realize how dangerous that medical cocktail you created is? Your blood and your mind can only take so much tampering, you could die. I'd rather you alive and hating me, than happily overdosed and dead!" Hermione noticed Harry's look of guilt.

Hermione softened her tone.

"Harry I love you so much. And I want to help you." She wrapped her dear friend in a warm hug. At first Harry sat still, then he wrapped his arms around her and accepted her hug. Hermione sighed in relief. She knew that if Harry hadn't confessed to her, she might not have known about his dangerous activities until it was too late.

"I think part of the problem is that you've been cooped up in here alone for too long." she said softly.

They parted and Harry just shook his head.

"I can't face anyone right now, I'm not ready."

"I don't mean going back to the Wizarding world. I just mean getting out of the house. Why don't you enjoy the muggle world for a while." Hermione suggested.

Hermione smiled as she thought about how peaceful it was shopping for groceries earlier. Perhaps all Harry needed was time away from his fame, and from pushy fans.

Harry hadn't really considered the possibility of spending time in the muggle world. His apartment was on the outskirts of London, but now that he thought about it, he never did walk around the neighborhood. He always flooed or apparated, never having to interact with his muggle neighbors.

"And you know, not all muggles are like your relatives. Some of them are quite lovely."

Harry just nodded his head. He knew that. He knew his aunt and uncle were not the norm when it came to muggles.

"I think that's a good idea." Harry said cautiously.

"Wonderful" Hermione was pleased that Harry was open to the idea.

"Let's finish up lunch then we can walk around outside. You need some fresh air." Hermione tactfully remained silent on the matter of the alcohol and potions. She hoped Harry would be more open to telling her where the stash was once he had a nice walk.

Once they were done eating Hermione advised Harry to wear a jumper as it was a bit breezy outside.

He chose a black jumper and slipped on some worn converse. His wand was slipped snugly in his back pocket, as was Hermione's.

They walked down the stairs and Harry took a look around. In his months of living there, he never took notice of the building itself. It was dated but very well kept. The halls were a soft creme with navy blue accents. The old wooden floors were well polished and long carpet runners went down along all the hallways and stairs. His apartment was on the third floor, so it was a short trip down.

Hermione smiled when she saw Harry taking in his surroundings. She grabbed his arm and pulled him outside.

They walked down the street. There were still a few hours left before most muggles would return home from their work day, so the streets were relatively quiet.

Hermione perked up when they started heading in the direction of the grocery store she went to earlier.

They passed by a cafe and music was coming from inside. It smelled enticing, like freshly baked pastries and rich coffee.

"Let's get dessert." Hermione left no room for argument.

Harry just smiled at her.

They walked in and a little bell rang when they opened the door.

Hermione and Harry just smiled at the practical inventions muggles made for daily life.

"Welcome to Martha's." A friendly barista smiled at them. Hermione walked to the counter and ordered a slice of lemon cake and a cup of tea. Harry followed her lead and ordered a snickerdoodle cookie and black tea.

When the barista tallied up the total Harry suddenly remembered that he didn't have any muggle currency on him.

Hermione just rested her hand on his arm to calm him as she handed the barista a card.

"Its just easier than carrying cash around." Hermione whispered to him. Harry thought that he should consider getting a credit card as well. It was small and convenient enough to carry.

"The Wizarding world should consider cards too," Harry said once they were seated with their desserts, "instead of having to walk around with actual gold." Hermione laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Can you imagine what the goblins would think of muggle credit?" Hermione asked with mirth.

"I can only imagine," Harry said lightly. Hermione was right. The fresh air was working. He might really enjoy his time in the muggle world.

"Oh I love this song," Hermione sighed happily. Harry listened but couldn't recognize it.

"I've never heard it before."

"Well you haven't been exposed to much muggle music, other than whatever your relatives listened to." Hermione said delicately.

Harry nodded. His muggle relatives weren't really a sore spot for him anymore. At least with Dudley he felt there was some sort of reconciliation.

"Anyway, this song is called 'Nature boy' as sung in this version by Nat King Cole. Its from the 1940's, an era in American muggle music that was dominated by jazz and big band." Hermione was factual as ever.

Harry listened to the song intently and found that he enjoyed it. He would have to expand his knowledge of muggle music.

They ate their pastries and mused about muggle inventions and ways of life. Hermione felt that muggle technology and development needed to be noticed and addressed by the Wizarding world.

"I mean, most wizards are completely ignorant of the capabilities of muggles in this day and age. We need a serious conversation about our world of secrecy and how to either become more discreet or learn to incorporate muggle technology to our advantage."

Harry hadn't really thought of it, but Hermione was absolutely correct. The Wizarding world needed to learn how to deal with the advanced muggle society. It wasn't primitive like a lot of wizards still assumed.

As they spoke neither wizard nor witch noticed a young muggle woman walk into the cafe. She glided by and ordered her usual cup of coffee. She was weighed down by her heavy pack. Once she had her coffee, she set her heavy bag down and stretched until her back gave a pop.

She sighed contentedly. This was her favorite part of the day. As she sipped her hot coffee carefully she noticed a couple sitting a few booths away from her. They were talking to each other quite intently. She didn't mean to stare but the young woman looked familiar to her.

As she tried to place the her, the girl looked at her and they locked eyes for a moment. Suddenly the woman stood and headed towards her.

"Emily?" the woman said. Emily froze for a moment and then it clicked. She was the customer from the store.

"H-Hermione?"

Hermione nodded and smiled.

"How did the turkey work out?" Emily asked her, returning the smile.

"It was perfect. I'm actually with that friend I told you about right now." Hermione pointed at the young man that was now looking at the girls curiously.

She waved him over and Emily looked at him with surprise as he came over.

"This is H-"

"Harry?" Emily said with a laugh.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, then Harry looked at Emily. He was completely lost.

"Uh, yes?"

Emily was laughing outright now.

"I guess you don't remember. You were pretty wasted last night love." She said with good humor.

"Er-I was?" Harry was desperately trying to remember the events of the past night, but for the life of him he couldn't.

"Yes, you were at the pub down the street. Oh you put on a good show for everyone." Then she looked at him more seriously.

"Thanks love, you really did stop me from breaking my clean streak." She looked at him with so much kindness Harry wondered what it was that he did.

"What did he stop you from doing?" Hermione asked. She was very curious about Harry's encounter with Emily. Who knew Harry was going around being a jolly fellow in muggle bars?

Emily turned to Hermione.

"Well to some it wouldn't seem like such a big thing, but he came at the exact moment I was going to open a pack of ciggs. I haven't smoked in months, so I'm glad he stopped me." She smiled warmly and Hermione looked at Harry with pride.

"Even drunk you're a good person Harry." Hermione smirked at him.

Harry laughed nervously. He was uncomfortable with such blatant praise.

Then he looked over to Hermione.

"I guess now we know where I got the cigarettes from." Hermione nodded and laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Catharsis 2

"So have you finished your shift at the store then?" Hermione asked.

Emily nodded, "yeah I'm done for the day. But I do have to get going." She stood up and started shuffling with her large pack.

Once she had it securely strapped on her back, she looked at Harry and Hermione eagerly.

"Have you two been to the farmer's market?" Emily smiled when they both shook their heads.

"Well there's one being set up a few blocks down tomorrow. Come on by, I'll be there until twelve." Emily nodded her head at them and waved goodbye as she made her way out the door.

Harry and Hermione watched her walk away. She was struggling a bit with the heavy pack.

Hermione sighed and glanced around. Once she saw that all was clear, she slipped her wand out and whispered a quiet _feather-light charm_ to lighten the pack only slightly. She didn't want Emily to suspect that anything was out of place.

Harry just chuckled when he saw Hermione intervene.

"You just can't help yourself."

Hermione huffed, "that ridiculous pack could hurt her." In Hermione's mind, her actions needed no justification.

"It seems that we have plans for tomorrow then." Harry said, still amused.

"Yes, it seems _you_ have plans for tomorrow, I'm busy unfortunately." Hermione turned to Harry. "And yes, you need to go. Emily will be expecting us, and I fully expect you to go and give her my apologies for not being able to come."

Harry sighed but just nodded his head.

"I still can't believe I don't remember her from last night."

Hermione just gave him a pointed look.

"Well let's go now Harry, we still have some things to take care of." Hermione was relieved when Harry seemed distracted and didn't quite catch her meaning. Emily was a blessed distraction and she hoped that Harry would continue being in a good mood. Though Hermione was certain that Harry wasn't yet addicted to his potions and drink, she knew he was very dependent on them as coping methods. She decided it would be best to keep Harry focused on Emily and his plans for tomorrow. And she hoped that when they got to his apartment, he'd let her know where his stash was without too much fuss.

"So Emily is quite beautiful, isn't she?" Hermione smirked when she saw her friend stumble a bit as he walked.

"Uh, yes I suppose she is." Harry wondered what it was Hermione was after. He knew she was close with Ginny. He wondered if she was testing his loyalty to Ginny. He and Ginny weren't quite official at this point. During the war their relationship was put on hold, and Harry had never quite resumed his relationship with her after the war.

"Her hair is gorgeous, I'm a little jealous to be perfectly honest." Hermione noticed Harry's suspicious glances.

"Your hair is fine Hermione." Harry said quite seriously.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Of course you'd say that."

"What do you mean?" Harry was confused now.

"You men never have a critical eye for detail. Everything is 'fine' to you." Hermione was slightly frustrated.

Harry cautiously guessed the reason for his friend's agitation. "So how's Ron?"

Hermione sighed and just rolled her eyes again. "He's fine, as he loves saying. I think its his favorite phrase. Of all the words in the English language "fine" is his favorite."

Harry did his best to keep a neutral face. He knew it was safer not to pick sides when it came to the petty arguments between Ron and Hermione.

They had reached the apartment and climbed the stairs in silence. Once they stepped into the apartment and Harry shut the door, Hermione sat herself on his bay window seat.

Harry knew what she wanted. He felt his anxiety swell but instead of panicking, he decided that this was for the best. Hermione was doing him a favor.

It was time to move forward.

Perhaps he wasn't ready to face the Wizarding world yet, but he was ready to get better.

"All the stuff is in my room, in the closet."

Hermione looked at him with surprise, but quickly composed herself and made her way to his room.

She saw that the closet was mostly empty, but on the floor she saw a few bottles of fire whiskey and close to twenty bottles of _pepper-up potion_. She placed them all in her magically expanded bag. Once she finished she stood and brushed the dust off her jeans.

She looked around again and noticed a damp towel on the floor. Hermione just shook her head. Harry needed to clean up his apartment and liven it up with some furniture.

Hermione went to the living room and found Harry standing in the middle of the room. He had his eyes closed.

"Harry," he turned and looked at Hermione, "I'm finished. I need to leave soon but not before I prepare you for tomorrow."

"Prepare me?"

"Yes. You've never been around a muggle that wasn't your relative before. At least not for an extended period of time."

"Oh and you have?"

"Yes of course I have. But this isn't about me, this is about you and your date tomorrow."

"Date?" Harry was alarmed.

"Oh you know I'm only teasing you. I'm just glad you're getting to know a muggle. It would do you good to have a nice muggle friend."

"And why's that oh wise one?" Harry asked wryly.

"Because this particular muggle doesn't know you. She doesn't know about your history or your fame. To Emily you are simply Harry. And though I may not be the famous boy who lived, I am his friend, and if I'm annoyed with the fame, I can only imagine how you feel."

Harry felt uncomfortable with the topic of his fame. But he also felt curious, curious about what his future interactions with Emily would be like. About how it would feel to talk to a person who didn't have preconceived expectations of him.

"Alright, so how should I prepare?"

Hermione smiled. She was pleased that Harry wasn't putting up a fuss.

"Firstly, a farmer's market, do you know what that is?" She looked to her pupil expectantly.

"Um a market for farmers." Hermione gave him an impatient look.

"No, but there can be farmers there. Farmer's markets are where local farms can sell their produce more directly to customers."

"Isn't that what a grocery store does?"

"Well yes, but some people prefer buying their food directly from the person who grew it."

Harry just nodded, it made sense.

"It also helps to ensure that you are supporting local foods rather than far off and exotic varieties. Local artists also sell their wares there. Its just a more direct method of shopping, you get to see the person who produced what you're purchasing."

Harry listened as Hermione continued educating him on the various types of markets she had seen and what he should expect. He tried not to roll his eyes when she warned him to be discreet with his magic.

"Lastly, if there are any references to pop culture that you aren't familiar with, simply explain that you are not one to keep up to date with trends. Muggles quite admire people that remain untainted by popular culture. It makes them think that you're just an original sort of person." Hermione laughed and Harry just smiled. It was an odd notion that he could be admired by muggles for his lack of knowledge on their culture.

"Well then, I really must be off. Take care Harry, and please," she looked at him in earnest, "don't hesitate to contact me."

"Alright" he said simply.

"Oh and I'm leaving you 50 pounds." She placed the bills on the counter.

Harry marveled at Hermione's ability to be prepared for any situation.

Hermione went towards the fireplace and noticed Harry was running low on floo powder. She just sighed and called out to Harry before she flooed away.

"Have fun on your date!" Then she was gone.

Harry just shook his head and headed towards his room. As soon he was in his room, he headed towards the closet by habit. He stopped himself when he realized where he was going.

He sighed.

He laid down on his bed and tried to be still. He couldn't stand the silence, he was afraid of his thoughts.

Harry rolled off his bed and grabbed his broom that was standing next to his desk.

He apparated away from his apartment and was suddenly plummeting down towards a grey ocean. He positioned his broom between his legs and waited until he was close to the water before he took off on his broom.

He flew for hours. His muscles began to ache but he didn't want to stop, not until he was sure he was completely exhausted.

Finally he apparated home in the middle of the night. He threw himself on his bed and passed out, his muscles convulsing from the strain of riding for so long.

Harry slept peacefully, his mind and body were exhausted. It was a wonderful, dreamless sleep.

It was close to noon when Harry finally woke from his serene slumber. It was the most refreshed that he'd felt in a while. He stretched languidly on the bed. Just as he let out another slow yawn he suddenly remembered his plans for the day. Rushing he rolled out of bed and quickly slipped on a pair of old blue jeans. He looked in his dresser for a clean shirt but couldn't find one, so he chanted a quick _scouring spell_ on his black shirt and hastily put it on. He sprinted towards the kitchen counter and pocketed the 50 pounds Hermione had left him. Harry checked the time while he was brushing his teeth and saw that it was 11:45. He'd have to run if he wanted to make it before noon.

'Or,' he thought, 'I could just apparate.' He concentrated and apparated to an alleyway that was beside the coffee shop he was at the day before.

Harry looked around to be sure no muggle had witnessed his sudden appearance. Once he saw that no one was around he quickly stepped out of the alley to see large groups of people milling about. He looked to his right and saw white tents and various vendors set up about two blocks away. Many muggles passed by him without a second glance, they all had various bags filled with produce. He took in the appearances of these particular muggles. They certainly did not look like the sort of people his aunt and uncle Dursley would have approved of. These muggles wore bright colors and loose clothing. Some were heavily tattooed and others had unique hairstyles. As he made his way closer to the stands he spotted a group of young women with flowers in their long flowing hair. They wore loose crisp white tops and long cotton skirts. Their sandaled feet were covered in swirling designs that were painted on their skin. These women were certainly beautiful but it was their merry dancing that had caught Harry's attention. A fiddler played a jaunty tune and the three women danced joyfully.

As he observed the muggles he came to the conclusion that this was most assuredly a particular muggle sub culture that had quite the following. He sighed and wondered what his childhood would have been like if the Dursleys belonged to this set of muggles. Perhaps his home life could have been a happier one.

"Harry, you made it!"

Harry turned and spotted an excited Emily happily waving at him. He smiled and walked towards her. Emily was standing behind a small table. Upon closer inspection Harry saw that the table had crystals and jewelry strewn about.

"I'm sorry I got here so late. And Hermione is sorry she couldn't make it." Harry said sincerely.

Emily just waved her hands. "Oh don't worry about it. I just like telling people about the market." She smiled again and Harry couldn't help smiling in return. "So how do you like it so far?"

"Its wonderful, its so colorful." Harry said as he glanced at a passing muggle with a tie-die shirt.

Emily chuckled and nodded. "It is that. I love the energy here, its brilliant."

Harry agreed. It was so different from any other muggle function he had attended. Though those he had attended were few, and all had been hosted by the Dursleys.

Emily sighed, "It is too bad Hermione couldn't make it, I wanted her to look at my new designs."

Harry looked at her more intently. "You made these?" He pointed at the jewelry that laid on the table.

Emily nodded, "I did. I like working with crystals and gemstones."

Harry inspected her wares more carefully. She had made an assortment of earrings and bracelets. The necklaces all hung on a wooden pole and some baubles were displayed in a glass jar.

"They're beautiful."

Emily looked away and tried hard to keep her grin in check. "Thank you Harry."

Harry watched her carefully and smiled at her modesty. He took in her appearance. She wore a pale yellow long sleeved shirt. Her jean shorts were faded and worn. Her bare face and simple golden brown curls were much too enticing. When he looked at her hazel eyes he struggled to look away.

Harry tried to restrain his growing attraction, but his mind wandered much too quickly. He wondered what it would be like, to allow himself to seek physical comfort in her. To allow himself to be pulled in by those warm eyes.

"You must be hungry."

Harry was pulled from his thoughts and worried that Emily had some how read his mind.

"Sorry?" Harry tried to calm himself.

"I said we should grab some lunch, you're probably so hungry you didn't hear me the first time." Emily snorted when Harry's face cleared up and he eagerly nodded. She was trying her very best to keep her wits about her. Harry was quite the looker, but he was incredibly difficult to read.

"Let me just pack up then we can go." Emily quickly pulled plastic containers that were under the table and speedily packed and organized her jewels.

"I'll help" Harry volunteered quickly. Emily nodded at him and showed him which things went where. Once she had packed everything into the huge pack Harry had seen yesterday she asked him to return the table to volunteer organizers.

"They're just over there," she pointed to a group of people wearing neon yellow vests, "I'm going to say bye to my fellow artists." She had enunciated _artists_ with a faux French accent.

Harry smiled and watched her walk away before he remembered his task. He quickly folded the table and carried it to the organizers. Once he handed it off to a large muggle man, he took the opportunity to observe Emily.

She was across the way and talking to an elderly woman. The lady had pure white hair and an elegant face. Her wrinkles made her look more regal and wise. She accepted Emily's hug and waved as Emily said her goodbyes.

Harry felt his attraction to Emily grow as she made her way to him with a beautiful smile. He suppressed those feelings as quickly as they rose.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Come along then." Emily held onto Harry's arm and guided him down the bustling streets.

He stopped her when he saw her pack.

"What is it?" Emily looked at him curiously.

"Let me carry your pack."

Emily startled a little, then she grew a bit annoyed.

"I can carry it," she told him curtly.

Harry realized she had misunderstood his offer.

"I know you can. I would simply like to offer my services to a friend. You've worked all day. I'd do the same if you were a man." He wanted that to be clear.

Emily searched his face but found nothing but solid truth there. Then she nodded.

"Alright. But mind you its heavy." She passed the bag to Harry and he was surprised at just how heavy it was.

"Bloody hell," he grunted as he settled the pack securely on his back.

Emily laughed and rolled her eyes, "its not that heavy."

Harry gave her a look, "Oh but it is. You must have some sort of amazonian strength."

She took his teasing in stride. "Or you are just an incredibly weak man." Harry tried to look affronted but couldn't when he saw her tongue sticking out. He returned the gesture in kind.

They laughed when they looked at each other.

"Let us be on our way then dear lady." Harry teased as he offered his arm to Emily.

She took it and snorted, "Thank you kind sir. Do you not think my accent terribly posh and snooty?"

"Oh yes, the most posh accent I've ever had the privilege of hearing." Emily smiled and just held onto Harry's arm tighter as she led him through the crowds.

They passed a variety of muggles and Harry relished in his anonymity, in the way he blended into the crowd, no one stopping and staring.

"So where are we going?" Harry asked after some time.

"A nice Vietnamese shop. Do you like Vietnamese?"

Harry had an extremely limited experience with the muggle world as a whole. Growing up on Privet Drive with the Dursleys gave him a limited view on muggle English culture. Then he spent the rest of his childhood in Hogwarts. Hogwarts though wonderful for learning the ways of the Wizarding world, did not teach nor expose him to foods or cultures of different people.

Harry was embarrassed of his ignorance, but answered honestly anyway.

"I've never had it before." He said simply.

"Really? Well then you're in for a treat."

Harry was relieved when Emily didn't seem to mind his answer.

They reached a tiny restaurant with wonderful smells reaching them when Emily opened the door.

"Welcome, table for two?" A waitress asked straight away. They nodded and were led to a small table facing a street view window. Once settled Emily watched Harry as he took in the small restaurant. He looked so much like a child the way he looked about. His curiosity and wonder apparent. She smiled as she watched him. He was very handsome, his dark unruly hair simply begged to be touched. His face was beautifully angled. But what drew her attention the most were his green eyes. Though he wore glasses, they did nothing to obscure the brilliant color.

"So, if you don't mind my asking, what exactly happened the night we met?" Harry finally asked. He was quite frustrated that he wasn't able to recall meeting Emily. He could only hope he hadn't done anything too outrageous.

Emily laughed when she saw his worry. She couldn't help wanting to tease him a little.

"Oh well you were quite the flirt. Romancing any lass you saw coming into the pub. You just hopped in and sprouted pretty words at any bonny face you encountered." She watched as Harry's face reddened with embarrassment.

She laughed more when he started apologizing for his behavior.

"Harry, I'm just teasing you love. You didn't do anything of the sort." She wiped her eyes as tears leaked from her strong bout of laughter.

Harry grumbled at being teased. But he couldn't stay irritated at her, her mirth was contagious.

They quieted down when the waitress came to take their orders. Harry simply asked for the same dish as Emily. He didn't know what to get so he was hoping her choice was good. Regardless, he wasn't a picky eater and would make due.

"But really, what happened?" he asked once the waitress had gone.

Emily became serious as she recalled the night before last. Harry fidgeted as he waited for her to respond.

"Well as I said, you were at Beck's. Its a pub just a few blocks away from where the farmer's market is set up. I had a few drinks when I went outside to have a smoke. Mind you, it was a stressful day and my nerves were quite frayed."

Harry just nodded at her to continue. He didn't judge her for how she tried to deal with stress. He certainly knew he was in no position to judge.

"Just as I was going to open my pack of ciggs, you just popped up right in front of me." She laughed, "I realized in that moment I must have had too much to drink. I mean really, people don't just appear out of nowhere. I had to be really out of it, completely drunk." She chuckled ruefully but Harry felt his stomach drop. He suddenly had a vague recollection of drunkenly apparating home. He kept missing his exact location. The pub must have been the closest he got to his apartment. He was relieved Emily hadn't realized that he really had popped in out of nowhere. But he also felt slightly guilty about the deception.

"You looked at me and convinced me to give you the cigarettes. Then we had one more drink, though you didn't really need it. You were already quite drunk."

Harry sighed as she told him that, and so he missed the slight blush on Emily's face as she recalled his exact words.

 _He had arrived out of nowhere and completely startled Emily. She nearly screamed but was too surprised to do so. This beautiful young man just stared at her and stumbled a bit as he reached her. Clearly he was drunk, and she convinced herself that she was quite intoxicated as well. He must have been at the pub and she simply hadn't noticed him._

" _What have you got there?" The young man asked her earnestly._

" _J-just a pack of ciggs."_

 _He got even closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders. Normally Emily would've been wary of a man closing in on her space while he was drunk, but she didn't sense any threat from this young man._

" _You want to smoke those? Do you? Because, I'm sorry what's your name?"_

 _Emily was still shocked but she was curious._

" _Emily."_

" _Emily," he savored the name, "Emily, you shouldn't do that. Smoking isn't the best thing for you."_

 _Suddenly his eyes clouded over in pain. When he spoke his next words, it was as if he wasn't seeing her but something else. His mind was surely in another place, somewhere far away and painful._

" _Please," he begged, "I don't want any harm to come to you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. You don't need to fight by my side. Please."_

 _Her heart hurt for this boy. He was clearly speaking about something she had no knowledge of. He was probably unaware he was talking to a total stranger._

" _A-alright. I won't smoke them." She gently handed the cigarettes to him. She hoped that would placate him and get that sorrowful look off his face._

 _He took the pack and gave her a small smile. He lifted a hand softly caressed her cheek._

" _You're quite a beautiful girl Emily."_

 _She blushed hotly now and tried her best to slowly back away from him. She cleared her throat and decided it would be best to distract him._

" _How about we grab a drink? Just one for the road." she suggested._

 _She was relieved when he nodded. She was certain he wouldn't harm her, though why she felt this certainty towards a stranger was a mystery. But she did feel in danger of falling for this strange young man. And Emily knew she couldn't afford to fall. Not with any man._

Emily was brought out of her thoughts when Harry cleared his throat. He was looking at her expectantly and she remembered he was waiting for her to finish telling him what happened. 

"Anyway, we went back into the pub and had just one drink. You introduced yourself and then you went around telling everyone how beautiful life was and everyone had a good laugh. You were quite the life coach Harry," she laughed, "you were certainly the most positive drunk I've ever seen."

Emily didn't tell him how relieved she was to see him so happily drunk. It was a stark contrast from the hollow look he gave her when they were outside the pub. She burned with curiosity. Harry was a mystery and she wanted to figure him out. But she wondered if she could do it without getting emotionally attached to him. Her instincts told her that getting in too deep with him would be all consuming and painful. She had a suspicion that Harry carried a great burden, and she was sure she wouldn't be strong enough to help him bear it. She could admit it, her selfishness. She wasn't self-sacrificing enough to put her heart on the line for a damaged person. She had done that once before and she vowed she'd never do so again. That didn't mean she couldn't have some fun with him. Surely he could use some no strings attached fun. She'd simply have to test the waters first to see if he'd be agreeable to it.

"Then you went out the door before I could say bye, and when I went outside you were gone. You must be quite the runner." She laughed when he became awkward and bashful.

"That's really all there was to it. You didn't do anything crazy."

Harry was relieved that he hadn't done anything too foolish, and he was doubly relieved that Emily hadn't realized he used magic.

"Well thank you for telling me." Harry said, the embarrassment plain on his face.

The waitress came back with their food and Harry was quite pleased with it. The pork and rice noodles were very good.

"So how old are you Harry?" Emily asked in between bites of noodles.

"I'm eighteen."

"Ah I'm your elder then, I'm twenty."

"You're hardly my elder." Harry scoffed.

"That's no way to speak to your elders young man." She tried to look stern but failed when he gave her a pointed look. She laughed and continued eating her meal.

"So are you in school or working?"

Harry paused but decided to try to be as honest as he could be.

"I finished secondary but I never did take my A levels." He knew the A levels were the closest muggle equivalent to the N.E. . And he never did take his N.E.W.T though he was told by the Ministry that those in his year were exempt.

"Ah I see. I didn't either. I'm simply not University material. I never really did like school. I'm just working at the grocers now. It helps pay the bills, and for the materials I need for my jewelry making."

Harry nodded. She was doing better than him. At least she had a job, he was simply living off his inheritance. He shuddered at the thought. He didn't want to be taken for a Trust fund baby.

"Where did you go to school?" Harry tried his best to remain calm at the question. It was an innocent question, and it was something he'd have to get accustomed to answering if he was going to join the muggle world.

"I went to a private boarding school in Scotland. I've only recently been spending time in London."

"Oh a boarding school. My, my you must be more posh than I ever suspected." She teased.

Harry knew she meant no offense and so he didn't take insult.

"On the contrary, I come from a relatively normal family. I grew up in Surrey, Little Whinging." Normal being the operative word.

"Oh you're from Little Whinging? I had a cousin who lived close to there. Its a quiet little suburb. I'd imagine not much of anything happened there."

Harry laughed, "Well yes, I suppose so. Where did you grow up?"

"Well I was close enough to Brixton. My mum and I rented a flat there for most of my childhood. Its got personality." She smiled as she thought about her childhood home.

"And is your mum still there, in Brixton?" Harry had heard of Brixton from Dudley. It was not described very well. Dudley had made it sound rough.

"Ah, no. My mum passed away a few years ago."

"Oh, I-I'm sorry." Harry sighed, "My parents are gone too." Emily looked at him intently and simply nodded her head. Perhaps this was part of why Harry was in so much pain.

"Yeah, but it really was for the best." Harry looked at her in shock. "I don't mean I wanted her to die, but living was so painful for her."

Harry nodded, "So she was sick?"

Emily gave a bitter laugh, "Not physically, but she wasted away as if she was."

She was going to continue but the waitress came with the bill. They quickly split the bill and paid for it.

They exchanged some pleasantries through their meal and Emily found that Harry must have been very isolated in that boarding school of his. He really had no knowledge on some basic things like television shows or political movements, nothing about world news. It was quite astounding really.

Emily had the pack on her back once they finished eating.

They walked out of the shop and Emily wondered if Harry wanted to continue spending the day with her.

"So you want to have some tea and continue our chat? I must say that you are an excellent conversationalist Harry." Emily didn't pay him empty flattery. He was a good listener and his curiosity over the simplest thing had her eager to continue speaking with him.

"Sure, we can," he paused, but decided to venture forward, "we can go to my place. Its not very far."

He worried that she'd take his invitation as him making a pass at her. He wasn't really, he just wanted to continue talking to Emily. She put him at ease, and he wasn't drowning in his thoughts when he was with her. He felt normal with her. She didn't have any sort of expectation of him, she didn't put him on a pedestal.

She smiled and that reassured him.

"Alright."

Harry happily led her to his apartment and didn't notice the nervous energy coming from Emily.

She was deciding whether she should tell Harry what she had in mind for them. She hoped he'd be open to the idea of a beneficial friendship with her. She would explain that she didn't have romance in mind. No falling in love. Just two people giving each other enjoyment and peace.

She couldn't shake his pain filled eyes from her mind. They stayed burned in her memory and she wanted to offer comfort to him. A reprieve for the both of them.

Her ghosts haunted her as well and she wanted something to take her mind off them. She really hoped Harry would be open to the idea.


End file.
